


Frankenstein's Monster

by soldiermom1973



Category: Mass Effect (Comics), Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fic or Treat 2019, Gen, Halloween, M/M, Misunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 14:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21199439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973
Summary: Kaidan almost runs out of time to come up with a couple's costume idea for him and his boyfriend, but will Commander John Shepard be agreeable with what he wants to do?





	Frankenstein's Monster

**Author's Note:**

  * For [diabla616](https://archiveofourown.org/users/diabla616/gifts).

> This is for the fic-or-treat event going on over on tumblr. Diabla616 - I hope you like it!
> 
> It hasn't been beta'd, so if you see any glaring errors, please let me know.

“Shepard, I've got it!”

John had only closed his eyes for a moment. A long mission ended an equally long day and he was having a difficult time focusing on his post-mission report. Kaidan had stayed behind on the Normandy, nursing the remnants of an L2 migraine and was much more chipper, thanks to some new meds Dr. Chakwas had him on. The excitement in Kaidan's voice startled John awake and he took a deep breath, dragging his hand down his face. He knew Kaidan hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep or he'd have taken more care to keep his voice quiet.

“What've you got, Kaidan?” he asked, stretching his arms over his head.

“Our costumes! I know what we can dress up as for Halloween!”

John chuckled and shook his head. Halloween was Kaidan's third favorite holiday, beaten out by Christmas and Thanksgiving. None of them were holidays John cared about, having been raised in space and his home being whatever ship his parents were stationed on. Sure, there were people on those Alliance vessels that celebrated a lot of the old, human earth traditions, but his family wasn't among them and he never cared much either way. Kaidan, on the other hand, often regaled John with tales of his family's holiday get-togethers. Christmas, with a small pine tree adorned with handmade ornaments and the smell of his mom's fresh-baked cookies wafting through their house was easily his favorite. Aunts and uncles came calling with cousins in tow, hot chocolate and Christmas carols sung while they opened presents. Kaidan would sheepishly admit that his Christmases were like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting, but Shepard didn't mind listening. One of the things he loved about Kaidan was the pure, unadulterated joy that lit up his face when Christmas drew near.

Next was Thanksgiving, with his dad carefully carving a turkey the two of them hunted together. It was a tradition Kaidan wistfully recounted, since it hadn't happened since he enlisted in the Alliance. Again, his mom and dad's place would fill with family members and it was the one time of the year Kaidan could satisfy his biotic appetite and not feel guilty about how much food he ate.

For Halloween, Kaidan loved getting dressed up and often times didn't wait for October 31 to do so. He'd wander around as a zombie or a mummy or whatever and claim he was just testing the makeup or making sure he could safely move around while dressed up. Once he and John got together, he reveled in coming up with unique couples' costumes for the two of them to wear. John also tried to make sure when the end of the month rolled around, they had a few days of shore leave somewhere there were kids running around screaming “Trick or Treat”. Sure, Christmas and Thanksgiving had specific dates, too, but those could be celebrated whenever. Halloween was the one day John tried to make sure Kaidan didn't miss (and he'd have been lying if he said he didn't look forward to the candy going on sale the day after, either).

John rolled his neck, sighing as a few vertebrae popped back into place, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “You're cutting it kind of close,” he yawned. “Only two days left. That's not like you.”

He stood and stretched, swearing when his datapad tumbled from his lap to the floor. He stooped to pick it up and yelped when Kaidan smacked his ass. “Ouch!” he jumped up and spun around, a grin plastered to his face. “First you wake me from my beauty sleep and now you're beating me. You're mean.”

Kaidan grabbed John's wrist and tugged him back to the couch. “I'll kiss it and make it better later. I promise,” Kaidan soothed, snuggling against his boyfriend's chest. “So, do you want to hear my idea?”

“Shoot. I'm all ears.”

Kaidan sighed and snuggled a little tighter against John's chest. “I was thinking we could be Victor Frankenstein and his monster.”

John could feel every muscle in his body tense up. His body carried some terrible scars – from his death, from being buried under tons of rubble when the Citadel exploded, and other various scars that came with being a combat veteran. He hated every single one of them and was extremely self-conscious about them. He seldom wore shorts and it was even rarer to find him shirtless. His face he couldn't do much about, so when he was out in public, he usually wore a hoodie pulled close against his skin. He lost count of the number of therapists he went to, trying to learn new coping mechanisms and healthy ways to boost his self-esteem. It didn't matter that he was an N7, the first human Spectre, had saved the galaxy (twice), and won the heart of the most handsome man in the universe.

John Shepard was a freak and now the man he loved and supposedly loved him back wanted to make a joke about it by using it for Halloween.

If Kaidan felt the change in John's demeanor, he didn't let on. Blood roared in John's ears as Kaidan droned on about their costumes, blocking out the things Kaidan was saying. He pressed his lips together, hurt and angry that Kaidan would even consider asking John to dress as a monster for Halloween. Wasn't it enough that he felt like that every day of his life?

“Hey, earth to John? You in there?” A sharp poke to his chest brought John out of his thoughts.

“Yeah,” John cleared his throat, “I'm here.”

“So? What do you think?” John glanced down at his lover, his anger momentarily forgotten at the excitement plastered on Kaidan's face. Even though Kaidan knew how he felt about his scars, John thought he might be able to force a smile and pretend it was ok.

For Kaidan's sake.

“I think it sounds like a good idea,” John smiled, hoping it looked more natural than it felt.

Kaidan narrowed his eyes and cocked an eyebrow at the other man. “Are you sure? Because we can do something else if you want...”

“Kaidan, it's fine. Really,” John assured him, kissing him before he could argue any further.

It wasn't fine, though. John slept like crap because his sleep was broken up by nightmares. He dreamt people were mocking him, laughing about his appearance. He dreamt of Kaidan looming over him in a white lab coat, surrounded by Cerberus personnel, and cackling “HE LIVES” as lightning snaked through the air and Collector troops flitted around a dark sky. He dreamt of Miranda vicariously reassembling him like he was one of the model ships in his collection, using body parts from dozens of different clones. A little glue here, some tape there... and all of the clones asking, “Why you? Why can't it be me? What makes you so special?”

He was thankful when his alarm finally went off, freeing him from further nightmares. He was exhausted which meant he was going to be cranky which meant it was going to be harder to pretend he was ok with Kaidan's costume idea.

And cranky was an understatement. John found himself snapping at junior crewmembers for trivial things that he would have normally laughed at. Traynor caught the brunt of his temper because she overlooked a minor detail in some data she was collating and Vega got yelled at because John wasn't happy with how his new scope was seated on his sniper rifle. After each outburst, John just stalked away. He felt guilty and knew no one deserved the short end of his temper, but he couldn't help it. The one person who did deserve it (in John's eyes, anyway), was Kaidan, and John avoided him like the plague. He didn't want to be angry at his boyfriend in the first place, much less lash out at him, and every time Kaidan asked what was wrong, why John was so unpleasant to be around, John just brushed it off and said he hadn't slept well (not a total lie) or that he was just hungry (again, not a total lie). Kaidan gave him a look that said he knew better, but he didn't push the issue, just reminded him to not take it out on the crew, that if he needed to vent he should do so with him.

The moment of reckoning came on Halloween. John's stress levels were through the roof and he was still taking his frustrations out on his crew. After John snapped at Kaidan for using the wrong mug for his coffee, Kaidan grabbed his arm and dragged him into the med bay. He asked Dr. Chakwas for some privacy, and as the doors hissed shut behind her, he whirled around on his boyfriend.

“What in the hell has gotten into you?” Kaidan exploded. “It was a stupid coffee mug. These outbursts need to stop, John. You keep saying it's because you haven't been sleeping well or whatever, but I know there's more to it. Let me help! Tell me what's going on!”

John crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at the other man. “I told you, I'm just tired. I've been having nightmares.”

Kaidan mimicked John's posture, right down to the raised eyebrow. “Bullshit. I know how you get when you're tired. I know how you get when you've had bad dreams. This is more than that, Shepard. The way you're treating the crew is inexcusable. The way you're treating me is inexcusable. Spill it or I sleep in the crew quarters until you get your head out of your ass.”

John knew better than to call Kaidan's bluff, though part of him wanted to because after tonight it wouldn't matter. Halloween would be over, this dreadful costume idea would done and over with.

Except it would matter. John knew that even after today, he'd let the idea of Kaidan wanting him to dress up and accentuate and call attention to his scars would sit in his heart and fester and he loved him too much to do that.

“I can't do it, Kaidan,” John finally said. “I just can't. I thought I could. I thought I could pretend to be ok with it for your sake because I know how excited you were for this and I thought that if I pretended enough I would just 'be ok' with it anyway....”

“Whoa, slow down,” Kaidan put his hands on John's shoulders and frowned. “Can't do what? What are you talking about?”

“This... this Frankenstein thing you want to do.” John gestured his arms wildly. “You know how I feel about my scars but you want me to dress up as a monster and I thought I could pretend to be ok with it but I'm not. I'm really, really not.”

Kaidan took a step back and blinked. “Are you serious? That's what this is about? You haven't been listening to anything I've said about this at all, have you?”

“What's to listen to?” John pulled away from his lover and flopped on one of the beds. “You want me to dress up as a monster when I try every day to convince myself I'm not one in the first place.”

“John, look at me.” Kaidan sat next to him and gripped his chin, forcing the other man to meet his gaze. “I didn't want you to be the monster. You're going to be Victor Frankenstein. _I'm_ going as the monster.”

“What?” Now it was John's turn to blink in confusion.

“The night I told you about this, I said I was going to be the monster. Not you.”

“Oh.” John's voice was small and he felt his neck heat up in embarrassment.

“I knew I should have asked you to repeat everything back to me that night,” Kaidan chuckled. “But since you weren't paying attention, I'll tell you again. I know how self-conscious you are about your scars, so you can cover up with long pants and a lab coat. Dr. Chakwas has some larger lab gear you can borrow since hers will be too small for you. Plus she won't care if we get fake blood or whatever on it. And when I put the electrodes on my neck, I can hook them into my port and make them crackle and glow.”

John hung his head, his face beet red from shame and embarrassment. “I'm so sorry,” he murmured. “I just... when you said about Frankenstein's monster, I guess I just kind of blocked everything else out.”

“You think?” Kaidan grinned and pulled his lover against his chest. “At least I know why you've been so miserable the past couple of days. I really wish you had said something sooner. I can't fix it if I don't know it's broken, John.”

“I know. I'm sorry,” he said again. “You were so excited about it, though, and I really thought I could just play along to make you happy.”

At that, Kaidan leaned back, cupped John's face in his hands, and made him look at him. “While I appreciate the thought, please don't ever do that, ok? I love that you want to make me happy, but don't do it at the expense of your own mental health. Please? I love you, Shepard, and I'm ok with making sacrifices for your happiness, too. You don't have to be the only one here who does that. We're a team. It's got to be give and take from both of us, not just you giving all the time.”

John pressed his lips together and nodded. Kaidan was right, as usual, and John felt like an ass for not speaking up sooner. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Kaidan's, relief flooding his heart when Kaidan kissed him back.


End file.
